I wanted to write this week about hope. It’s something we all need to remember and connect with. I wanted to explore how rugged and determined and hardworking hope is.
But this week, it is sadness that wants to be heard. I won’t list my sadnesses here. I’m sure you have your own, and in fact, I would invite you take the time to actually list them, or some of them anyway. Pay attention to the ache in your heart, and find a way to give it voice.
For me, sadness feels like a heavy blanket that makes my shoulders stoop, and dangles down by my feet to trip me when I try to walk. When she visits, I often don’t recognize who she is, because I’ve not grown accustomed to her presence. So, when she shows up, what I notice first is irritability, or frustration, or lethargy, or …
In writing this post, there is a little voice that keeps reminding me, “You wrote about sadness during the autumn-themed posts. You really should find something else to write about now.” And that’s just the way grief and sadness are. They are inconvenient. They show up on their own schedule, and cannot be forced to move along any sooner that they are ready to do so.
My childhood didn’t teach me about sadness. It’s one of the many emotions that those who guided my youth didn’t feel had any worth. It’s uncomfortable to feel, and uncomfortable to witness. It gets in the way of productivity, and it can’t be “solved”, so it is deemed of no value. This is not a condemnation of any particular person. It’s ingrained in our culture and in our religious systems.
I am so grateful for the work of many in my own generation who are exploring emotions, giving us words to express them, and teaching us how to allow ourselves to feel whatever we need to feel without judgement.
Sadness is one of the ways we honour what is dying, or has been lost, or is being taken away from us. Sadness invites us to spend time with that which we value that is no longer visible or accessible.
One of the things I feel sadness for right now is the loss of illusion. While I and many, many people I know care about values like inclusion and diversity, the truth is that our culture does not value those things. Our culture values productivity, conformity, and the power of wealth. It is hard to be honest with myself about this. I grieve for the loss of what I thought was true … because I had the privilege of living in the illusion.
It’s a curious thing, though—as I pay attention to that sadness, I find my heart loosening its insistence on the way I wish things could be. I am able to look more honestly at how they are, and the forces that are at work. I see greed, hatred and division not as the actions of individuals or groups, but rather as forces that are at work in our world alongside forces of love and truth.
Grief, and its little sister, sadness, have a way of enlarging our hearts. When we can be present with them, rather than trying to fight, fix or dismiss them, they loosen our grip on what needs to be released, and help us remember what we value about what has gone away. Both actions are important for our soul-growth.
In giving my experience the honour of allowing sadness, I am invited to look more honestly at what is. I am less likely to idealize what is past. I am actually more fully in the moment of now. I connect with what my heart values, which leads me deeper into self knowledge. By recognizing what matters to me, I am able to devote myself to its care and cultivation.
In my personal experience, as I release the illusion that western culture actually cares about anything other than profit and power, I feel how important community, and care for the vulnerable are to me. I feel in my bones how necessary it is that I live these values because society won’t live them for me. This is soul-work. This is tending to my own heart, which is the foundational step toward caring for the world around me.
It is this dual work of clearing away what no longer serves and attending to what matters to me in this moment that creates the conditions for new growth.
That sounds to me like hope … which we’ll explore next week.
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